


Before You Go

by its_too_cliche_24



Series: Song Fics [5]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Episode: s04e18 The Light, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23662252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_too_cliche_24/pseuds/its_too_cliche_24
Summary: Before you go,Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless..."It's such a nice night, isn't it?"
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Series: Song Fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1240199
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Before You Go

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the song or the characters, just the fic.

"Jack?"

Jack turned his head, shifting his attention from the perimeter around their camp to the man beside him.

Daniel's gaze was focused on the stars overhead, completely still and calm. He sat undisturbed, like he'd been silent for a long time, and left Jack almost wondering if he'd just been imagining things.

A wave of affection washed over him, but he quickly stamped it down with irritation instead.

He'd been getting better at that.

At first, when he realized he felt more for Daniel than he should, it was hard, nearly impossible to chase those feelings away. But now, now he found that this irritation he made up to cover his feelings came way too easily and it was starting to have a serious impact.

For one thing, rationally he knew he wasn't irritated with Daniel. But he couldn't convince himself to stop acting on his anger. Which led to constant bickering - no, they used to bicker. Fighting, that's what this was. Constant fighting over the little things that shouldn't matter, but now it seemed to matter more than anything.

Jack acknowledged this with a pang of regret, and looked back at Daniel, who still hadn't said anything. After another beat of silence, Jack took a breath to prompt Daniel, but at that moment he started talking again.

"It's such a nice night, isn't it? The sky is so much clearer here than anywhere you could ever try to find on Earth."

For a rare moment, His Daniel was back. Eyes glinting with the excitement of a new world, light and carefree instead of weighed down with problems. He smiled, a genuine smile that broke through the walls of hate Jack had built up around his heart, just for a moment.

"Looking up at that sky, don't you just feel so overwhelmed? Like everything you've ever worried about, every problem you could possibly have, none of it seems to matter when you compare it to that sky. None of it means anything."

He continued to stare up at the stars, his smile still on his lips, but with every passing moment it lost more of it's soul, all too soon becoming a shadow of what it'd been. His eyes were suddenly overcast, and even though he was looking at the stars, Jack knew his mind was a million miles away.

Was this his way of saying their problems didn't matter? That he was willing to move on and forget all that Jack had done to him lately?

No. That couldn't be it. This was Daniel, and Daniel really just liked to wax poetic about sweet nothings from time to time.

"You should go to bed." Jack said softly. Well, it was an attempt to be soft. He wasn't sure it came across like that. 

Jack's voice seemed to bring Daniel to reality a little bit, and he turned to meet Jack's gaze.

His blue eyes pierced through Jack, and it took all he had to keep a cool demeanor.

"Jack…" Daniel looked torn, and he let the unfinished sentence hang in the air between them.

A beat passed.

Then, he deflated, and cast his eyes to the ground.

"You're right. I'm really tired." He glanced back up, and tried for a grin, but it looked like the attempt strangled him more than anything.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

After a moment, Jack was alone again with the night sky.

"Jack?"

Jack jumped.

Janet was there, hand gently resting on his arm.

He looked around, taking in the familiar walls of his house surrounding him. Had they always looked so gray and empty? So meaningless? He couldn't respond to Janet, not right away. It hurt too much to breathe, let alone speak.

"You did everything you could."

_No. No I didn't._

If it didn't hurt so much, he would've laughed in her face.

"It wasn't your fault, Jack. The light...Daniel was always more susceptible to addiction and we just-" she broke off, choking down a sob.

None of them wanted to cry in front of Jack.

And yet they kept trying to explain to him why it wasn't his fault, why he shouldn't feel guilty, the list just went on and on and on.

"We just didn't have enough time."

But it was his fault.

He should've known. He should've known there was something wrong, he _knew_ there was something wrong, but he'd just shrugged it off. If he'd paid attention, instead of burying his head in the sand, he could've saved him. He'd had so much time to get to Daniel's apartment and yank him off that ledge, to just reassure him that everything would be alright in those last few moments.

_"It's such a nice night, isn't it?"_

But instead, Jack ignored it. Just like how he ignored how much he wanted to look into Daniel's blue eyes and tell him how much he loved him every day for as long as he'd known him. And now he'd never see those blue eyes again.

So they could say what they wanted.

He knew better.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really do angst fics, but when I heard this song I knew I had to use it for them. Originally this was gonna be an acension fic, but I have way too many of those I wanna do. And I figured, why not make everybody even more sad? 😂


End file.
